Every year on the date mother went into labor to bring me into this world, I pretend to be wiser than I am and write myself a letter for the year to come.
If that seems weird, you should meet me in person. I'm just peachy. =]
As much as I'd love to gift myself this, it's a transatlantic plane ride away. Oh well, this letter will suffice...
Note: Satirical. While spacing out in class sometime this week, I wondered what my thought process would look like when coming up with a differential diagnosis. Did my neuronal personas have whiteboards? Names? Completely unproductive side conversations? Probably.
“Our patient,” a greying Dr H said, doning his century old white coat as the clerk whispered didn’t they phase out those old things? as softly as she could muster. “Has hypertension, excessive acne, and asthma. What is wrong with him?”
Bespectacled Jace raised his sorry excuse of a hand even if he didn’t need to. “He’s lonely and can’t get a date. Probably depressed.”
“… Wrong… On all accounts. His wife has been here since dawn. You, Anson,” Dr H nodded at his most promising clerk yet.
“Autoimmune? Lupus?” if he means it as a joke, Dr H wasn't buying it. He wrinkled his brow and sighed.
Dr H’s wrinkles pressed further into his skin. How disappointing. “Anyone else?”
Jawn again—“Thyroid problem? Increased T3 and T4 could cause hypertension and cystic acne.”
“Thyroid hormone levels are normal,” Dr H nodded. “But good try. You deserve a pat on the back from yourself.”
Anson shoved his glasses up his nose bridge. “How old is he? Could be environmental. Toxic air, toxic food, toxic twenty-first century lifestyle.”
“This isn’t helping your lupus case, you idiot. It’s never lupus.”
“Corticosteroids,” Kale said. Dr H never took her name seriously, and usually took her answers less seriously than her name.
Today, however, Kale’s answer was “acceptable.” He asks her to go on.
“Primary asthma,” Kale began, staring down at her smart phone, “leading to chronic intake of corticosteroids. Hypertension could be drug-induced due to sodium and fluid retention. Increased sebum production from overactive glands (also induced by steroids) can cause the acne.”
“You googled that!” Anson complained.
Kale shrugged. “You didn’t.”
The gist of it: I've been trying to keep focused on the work at hand, but since I am here blogging versus actually popping open my textbooks, I am failing miserably at being a medical student.
So, without further pitiful ado, here's a short poem that reflects my perpetually distracted state.
I need to stop
I sincerely hope wherever you wander, you are doing a much better job at living than I am.